HELP

I’m feeling a lot of pressure right now for a number of reasons. My mom said I have to blog three times a week if I want to keep readers. That’s a lot. My friend started blogging three days ago and has already written more than I have in this whole month. And you guys gave me such great and unexpected feedback (thank you SO much!) after my last post that I don’t quite know how to follow that.

…sigh…

Well, here’s what I’ve been thinking about, take it or leave it.

It all started on Saturday when I finally broke and decided to get a haircut, even though I had told myself I would wait to do it until I had a job. Given that my bangs were down to my shoulders, I clearly didn’t think getting a job would take this long. Anyway, I met Jasmine, my Bubbles Salon stylist. She’s the best kind of hairdresser because she does most of the talking., I’m just not good at making salon conversation. I sat down and once the niceties had been exchanged she cut right to it: “Giiirl. Daang. What is goin’ ON with yo color?” I proceeded to mumble something to the effect of “I didn’t know it was bad” and “I’m kinda really poor right now so I can’t actually do anything about it.” From there the conversation drifted from her own (amazing) story, she is from the British Virgin Islands, to going to church vs watching Joel Osteen, to men and why we love/hate them, to what it’s like to live in DC, and on and on. She gave me the best haircut I’ve had in probably years and as I was at the counter paying, she told the girl to write me down for color on Tuesday at noon (“you’re not doing anything, right?” “right.”). She wanted to do my color, for FREE. Jasmine said she’s been there, she knows that sometimes you need help, and that people actually take joy in helping.

So that’s it, that’s what I’ve been thinking about. Help. Looking back over the past 6(!) months in DC I am just so floored by the amount of help I’ve received. I hope it goes without saying that I am incredibly, incredibly grateful. It’s all been one long outpouring of Grace in different ways, shapes, and forms. Maybe that should be whole post in itself. But looking back, I also realize that it’s been hard. Constantly being the one on the receiving end of things is new for me. Because I’ve started from scratch here, all of the roles in which I’ve learned to define myself don’t necessarily exist, which means I don’t know exactly where or how to be needed. I can’t offer any help yet, I just need it.

Does that make sense? This is harder to articulate than I thought.

Basically, I’ve realized that as much as it a gift to receive, it is also a gift to have something to give. I don’t know that I’ve really appreciated this before now, as I've always had something to give, more or less. I still don’t have a job which means that I don’t have an income. Friendships are still new and I don’t know exactly how to best love the people that I’m doing life with. I’m just starting to get involved in a church but still, no one would notice if I missed a Sunday. All of which to say, not a lot to give yet. But I’m close. Closer, at least. Even if it's just directions to tourists. Ha.

This isn’t an incredibly insightful realization. It’s just that it’s allowed me a new perspective. I pray that when I do actually have help to offer, I never forget this season of my life, what it's like to have nothing to give. I hope I remember what a blessing it is to be able to bless others. (Helloooooo, Christianese.)

Well, I went back on Tuesday and Jasmine did my hair free of charge. She said my true color was dark blonde, who knew? And she did a great job, if I do say so myself. Thank you Jasmine, for teaching me that it’s okay to be helped, that it’s a gift to be able to help.

Speaking of asking for help, I still need a J.O.B. Anyone?
Your-
LC

P.S. Fireflies live on my street!