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I asked her, "how do you know when you're happy."

She said, "happiness is just gratitude. When you can be grateful, truly grateful, then you can be happy."

Could it be so simple? Perhaps I should make a list...

I'm grateful for my family. My family. Oh, Internet, I wish you could know them like I do. I wish the whole world could. I have a dad who answers the phone, "hello, Beautiful" every time I call him. A mom who has taught me to be strong and brave and honest. Brothers who taught me sarcasm in the best way; who would figure out a way to build me a spaceship, if that's what I needed. A sister who looks at me with stars in her eyes for no good reason. Yes, Internet, I love my family more than life itself. My family made me and my family saved me.

I'm grateful for purpose. Law school. Purpose. A goal. Thinking about it like this allows me to be grateful, even excited for the journey I am about to embark upon in 2 weeks. This is much healthier than thinking of it as a time eating, confidence destroying, money sucking, relationship ending, ulcer inducing, having that dream where you're naked in front of the class every day, end-all, be-all of how smart I really am. Yea, probably not exactly healthy. Sure, school will be a sacrifice. But aren't the really important things in life, the things worth doing, aren't they always a sacrifice? I know I can do this. I want to do this. And that is enough.

I'm grateful for my man. He knows I'm crazy but he's still here. (And vice versa, of course.) He supports me, protects me and for whatever reason, can't get enough of me. It's difficult to look at the last 6 months of my life and not marvel at the grace and provision provided by Someone who seems to know what we'll need exactly when we need it. There have been hard things, big things, to deal with lately. Thankfully, I found someone I can lean on, who can be my strength when I don't have any.

I'm grateful for my friends. A couple weekends ago some dear friends tied the knot in Twin Falls, Idaho. (For all you Colorados, think Pueblo.) It was lovely. Friends that I haven't seen in months, sometimes years, from all around the world, literally, showed up. It was pretty incredible. They've all become amazing people who are doing amazing things. I am so blessed to be woven into a story with them. And the close ones, the ones who have this ability to see the me I want to be, the ones that speak wisdom and truth and grace and love, those are the ones I know my children will know, those are the ones I am most grateful for.

I'm grateful for self-knowledge. There is such freedom in knowing ourselves- why we react the way we do, why certain things trigger certain things that are connected to certain things, why we (I) can't go to a bar for more than two hours. There is freedom in learning our bodies' natural rhythms and learning to honor them. There is freedom in knowing ourselves well enough to know when we need to ask for help. There is freedom in learning to set safe boundaries and teach people to honor them. It seems to me that knowing ourselves is 90% of the battle.

Sigh. Internet, I know I'm being somewhat vague. Big things went down the last couple weeks. Good things. I'll try not to lay such a heavy one on you next time.

I guess I just want you to know this: that finally, because I am grateful, truly madly deeply grateful, I am happy.

Yours,
LC

I wear cowboy boots to work every Friday.

Why?

Because we don't have causal Fridays.

My own personal rebellion.

In case all you people on the 8:40 316 are wondering why I'm glaring at you, it's because you're wearing jeans and I'm not.

I know, I'm that mature.

Happy Friday, everybody.

The Sibs in Sea

Last weekend my brother and sister-in-law were in town for a visit. And rather than give you the play by play, I'm going to give you my top five favorite moments of the trip.

Numero 5: I love it when my worlds collide. Thursday night for dinner we headed over to Boyfriend's condo to, of course, grill some pizzas. My best friend and her boyfriend were there too. Imagine my delight- family, Boyfriend, best friends and vegetarian pizza. One of those times where I get to take a big, deep sigh and be highly content in my surroundings. Most of the time having two worlds makes me sad. It's hard having your heart in two places. But those times are punctuated by happy, happy times when they meet. Plus, I think Boyfriend is less 'timidated by the brothers. Slightly.

#4: We made new friends and they let us play kickball with them. Yep. Saturday we were going to go paintballing until we learned that games lasted for four! hour and I just didn't think I could take four! hours of sheer panic. Instead we went to the park and tossed the Frisbee. It was lovely. We saw these two guys show up with a kickball. They stood around for a while and kinda looked at each other like little boys that had been ditched. I said if they needed players, we'd play. So, suddenly we were playing kickball with total strangers. We started at 4 on 4, grew to about 10 on 10 and left when it was at least 15 on 15. All total strangers. All adults just looking for someone to play with. It. was. awesome. A good reminder of what can happen if we step just a little bit ourselves and our routines.

And then 3: I am proud to announce that Europe has made it's way to Seattle. Well, sorta. I mean, I highly doubt garlic fries and cheap beer are European delicacies but whatever. The four of us Colby people attended a Sounders FC match. For those of you who don't know what "FC" means, it means "futbol club" as in soccer. See? Europe. The match was intense and the fans were into it. We had drummers and flags and streamers and sparkle confetti and an almost-brawl. Chad and I stood the whole time. We yelled and the ref (who had to be escorted off by cops. See? Europe again) and taunted the other team's goalie. If my salary didn't qualify me for low-income housing right now, I would totally have season tickets. Why?

Freddie L. #10. SO Euro. Sigh.

2nd place: We did something I never thought I'd do. Something I was initially ashamed about but have come to accept. Something that has forever changed my worldview. Friends, family...we saw Star Trek. And when I say we saw Star Trek I'm saying that we bought tickets in advance and stood in line outside of the theater with all the semi-intoxicated, costumed Trekkies. And I'm not gonna lie...IT WAS AWESOME. Possibly one of the best PG-13 movies I've ever seen. I will say that sometimes when the crowd would suddenly laugh hysterically or erupt into applause, I felt a little left out. But that's okay because I was a little busy daydreaming about flying of too Vulcan with Captain Kirk. Damn. I would like to formally apologize to any Trekkie I have ever judged. You were onto a good thing. Even though a couple of you may have cussed me out in line when I mistakenly asked, "So, what's the premise of Star Trek, anyway," I forgive you if you forgive me. Live long and prosper, my friends.
Sigh again.

The winner: I'm going sentimental, of course. But, I have to say that my favorite part of the trip was getting to show my family off to my world here. I love those guys so gosh-darn much and I'm SO proud of them. I'm also proud of the friendship we've developed over the years. It's pretty great to genuinely and fully enjoy being around your sibs. I was really sad to see them go. I've been thinking a lot about moving home in the last few months. I mean, it's been 6 years out here and I have never stopped being homesick. Is that normal? At what point should I do something about it? I dunno. Lots of thoughts on this to come. All in all, it was a fantastic weekend. We laughed a lot. And played a lot. And ate a lot. I don't know what more I could ask for.

Until next time- LC

Been Meaning to Put This Up for a While Now...

As I look, my eyes begin to recognize the anguish and agony of all the people for whom you gave yourself. Your broken heart becomes the heart of all of humanity, the Heart of all the world, You carry them all: abandoned children, rejected wives and husbands, broken families, the homeless, refugees, prisoners, the maimed and tortured, and the thousands, yes millions who are unloved, forgotten, and left alone to die. I see their emaciated bodies, their despairing faces, their anguished looks, I see them all there where Your body is pierced and Your heart is ripped apart. Compassionate Lord, Your heart is broken because of all the love that is not given or received. -Henri Nouwen

Praise the Lord for them: http://www.ijm.org/

More to come soon. Busy weekend with the brother and sister-in-law in town!
Love,
LC