Driving home from the grocery store, the conversation went like this...
Anna: What's a cashier?
Me: That lady that scanned all our food and then told us how much we had to pay was a cashier.
(long pause)
Anna: Wara, do you think I could be a cashier someday, like, when I grow up?
Me: Trust me, love, you're way to smart to be a cashier. You'd maybe like it for a day but you're smart enough that you could be anything you want when you grow up. Like an astronaut. Or a doctor.
Anna: I don't know. I don't like the gross stuff. Like blood and hearts and stuff.
Me: Well, there's lots of different kinds of doctors. You could be a doctor that does surgery. Or saves kids' lives. Don't you think it would be cool to save people's lives?
Anna: I dunno. I kinda think I wanna be a zoo keeper instead.
Me: A zoo keeper? Why?
Anna: Well, I know you have to shovel poop. But at least maybe the lion would know me and we could be friends. You know, sorta.
Me: Well said.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Life On The Other Side
Right now I’m sitting in the basement with a China Baby, a married brother and his, um, excited dog and Daddy-o watching Shrek the Third on a screen that renders a life-sized ogre and a Puss in Boots the size of a Great Dane.
Toto, we’re not in Kansas anymore.
Life at home is a far cry from life on Maryland Ave. Case in point, this is my new room:
See, my parents moved about three weeks ago and I’ve been demoted from my so-called Shrine (as my brothers called my room in the old house) to the baby’s old room. Actually, I don’t mind at all. It’s happy, and happy is exactly what I need right now. As much of it as I can get.
Highlights so far:
#1. Our drive home was pretty easy, almost enjoyable. We did DC to Omaha the first day and when we tried to stop and sleep at the typical roadside fare, we like Mary and Joseph, were repeatedly denied room at the inn. We, however, did not end up in a barn. Quite the opposite actually: the Omaha Hilton, probably one of the nicest hotels in the city. It was the best night’s sleep I’ve had in months for a mere $110/night. Definitely not in Kansas anymore.
Chad and I only had one minor tiff in the course of the drive, which was really my fault. I was allotted 10 minutes to sing each hour. In Nebraska, our ninth state, I went over the allotted time because I made sure to sing the new Katy Perry single (you know the one I’m talking about) in each state. I guess he just doesn’t like the song as much as me and tried to throw the CD out the window. Luckily the windows were down and it landed in the backseat. No harm, no foul. And I shut up, til Colorado at least.
#2. Today Grandma and Grandpa stopped by when Eric’s dog, 7 month old Moby, happened to be here humping another dog in the neighbor’s driveway. The conversation went like this:
Grandpa: There’s something wrong with your dog there, E.
Eric: Yea, it’s about that time to get him fixed.
Grandpa: That or you could get him some p*&?#.
Epic Grandpa comment. Wow.
#3. Kickboxing. I haven’t exactly worked consistently for a while, which is a big deal for me. DC’s soul sucking humidity made eating rocks sound better than going for a jog. But I’m back and given the fact that working out is my coping mechanism for life, kickboxing couldn’t be a more fitting for this chapter. Hitting stuff, hard, has proven to be the best kind of morning quiet time on the planet.. It’s a spiritual experience. And it makes muscles I’ve never known I had hate me in the best way. In the last week I’ve probably doubled my lifetime pushup total.
#4. Job searching. Still. Same activity, different state. Only this time, I don’t have to wear a suit in said soul sucking humidity. Enough said.
#5. Suburbia. Swim meet on a Thursday afternoon. Little girls in baggy swimsuits with “Eat my bubbles” sharpied all over their tan little bodies. Poorly (or perfectly) timed sprinklers in the parent section. Cameras. Yelling. Participation ribbons. Awesome.
I’ll be honest, this has been a different kind of homecoming for me. Normally I either come home for a holiday/event. I’m not home for anything in particular and am mostly just figuring out how I fit into summer’s routine in the Colby house, a routine that takes some getting used to for sure. Normally I come home on the tail end of some venture- school, camp, travel- where I’ve accomplished something Now I come home with nothing to show for myself but an alarmingly emptier bank account and some slightly used suits. Although I’ve been assured otherwise, it’s hard to not see the past couple months as a colossal failure. I mean, I didn’t actually let anyone down, I didn’t fail to fulfill a given responsibility, no one died, no one is waiting on me for anything. It could have been a lot worse. But still, maybe for the first time in my life, I failed to do something I set out to do: love DC, obtain gainful employment, create a new life for myself. I didn’t. And I couldn’t.
I don’t really have a clean wrap-up for this post. Life doesn’t seem to have any sort of clean wrap-ups ever, does it? It’s messy. And beautiful. And excruciating. And fairly monotonous sometimes. Right now, I’m ready for the overarching theme of transition to be over. It seems like it’s been a year of uncertainty and semi-homelessness. Maybe it’s an overarching theme of patience. Still, not that fun, really.
Psalm 40 is one of my top three favorites (and #1 favorite U2 song):
There will by a crying. There will be mud and mire. But there is always solid ground and a new song. How many times have I been through this cycle before? How many more times will I find myself in the midst of it? And how often will I forget that ultimately, I am not the point? Don’t answer that. As we were reminded in church today, wait for it, my friends, wait for it. What else is there to do? Wait for the new song, the hope that we profess to manifest itself in our lives and the lives of others. It will. Until then, wait for it. I am.
Your-
LC
Toto, we’re not in Kansas anymore.
Life at home is a far cry from life on Maryland Ave. Case in point, this is my new room:
See, my parents moved about three weeks ago and I’ve been demoted from my so-called Shrine (as my brothers called my room in the old house) to the baby’s old room. Actually, I don’t mind at all. It’s happy, and happy is exactly what I need right now. As much of it as I can get.
Highlights so far:
#1. Our drive home was pretty easy, almost enjoyable. We did DC to Omaha the first day and when we tried to stop and sleep at the typical roadside fare, we like Mary and Joseph, were repeatedly denied room at the inn. We, however, did not end up in a barn. Quite the opposite actually: the Omaha Hilton, probably one of the nicest hotels in the city. It was the best night’s sleep I’ve had in months for a mere $110/night. Definitely not in Kansas anymore.
Chad and I only had one minor tiff in the course of the drive, which was really my fault. I was allotted 10 minutes to sing each hour. In Nebraska, our ninth state, I went over the allotted time because I made sure to sing the new Katy Perry single (you know the one I’m talking about) in each state. I guess he just doesn’t like the song as much as me and tried to throw the CD out the window. Luckily the windows were down and it landed in the backseat. No harm, no foul. And I shut up, til Colorado at least.
#2. Today Grandma and Grandpa stopped by when Eric’s dog, 7 month old Moby, happened to be here humping another dog in the neighbor’s driveway. The conversation went like this:
Grandpa: There’s something wrong with your dog there, E.
Eric: Yea, it’s about that time to get him fixed.
Grandpa: That or you could get him some p*&?#.
Epic Grandpa comment. Wow.
#3. Kickboxing. I haven’t exactly worked consistently for a while, which is a big deal for me. DC’s soul sucking humidity made eating rocks sound better than going for a jog. But I’m back and given the fact that working out is my coping mechanism for life, kickboxing couldn’t be a more fitting for this chapter. Hitting stuff, hard, has proven to be the best kind of morning quiet time on the planet.. It’s a spiritual experience. And it makes muscles I’ve never known I had hate me in the best way. In the last week I’ve probably doubled my lifetime pushup total.
#4. Job searching. Still. Same activity, different state. Only this time, I don’t have to wear a suit in said soul sucking humidity. Enough said.
#5. Suburbia. Swim meet on a Thursday afternoon. Little girls in baggy swimsuits with “Eat my bubbles” sharpied all over their tan little bodies. Poorly (or perfectly) timed sprinklers in the parent section. Cameras. Yelling. Participation ribbons. Awesome.
I’ll be honest, this has been a different kind of homecoming for me. Normally I either come home for a holiday/event. I’m not home for anything in particular and am mostly just figuring out how I fit into summer’s routine in the Colby house, a routine that takes some getting used to for sure. Normally I come home on the tail end of some venture- school, camp, travel- where I’ve accomplished something Now I come home with nothing to show for myself but an alarmingly emptier bank account and some slightly used suits. Although I’ve been assured otherwise, it’s hard to not see the past couple months as a colossal failure. I mean, I didn’t actually let anyone down, I didn’t fail to fulfill a given responsibility, no one died, no one is waiting on me for anything. It could have been a lot worse. But still, maybe for the first time in my life, I failed to do something I set out to do: love DC, obtain gainful employment, create a new life for myself. I didn’t. And I couldn’t.
I don’t really have a clean wrap-up for this post. Life doesn’t seem to have any sort of clean wrap-ups ever, does it? It’s messy. And beautiful. And excruciating. And fairly monotonous sometimes. Right now, I’m ready for the overarching theme of transition to be over. It seems like it’s been a year of uncertainty and semi-homelessness. Maybe it’s an overarching theme of patience. Still, not that fun, really.
Psalm 40 is one of my top three favorites (and #1 favorite U2 song):
I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.
There will by a crying. There will be mud and mire. But there is always solid ground and a new song. How many times have I been through this cycle before? How many more times will I find myself in the midst of it? And how often will I forget that ultimately, I am not the point? Don’t answer that. As we were reminded in church today, wait for it, my friends, wait for it. What else is there to do? Wait for the new song, the hope that we profess to manifest itself in our lives and the lives of others. It will. Until then, wait for it. I am.
Your-
LC
Friday, July 11, 2008
So Long, Farewell
To My Dear Washington DC:
It’s time I’m honest with you. This might not be easy for you to hear but I have to say that it’s just not working out between us. I’m writing to tell you goodbye. I know this might come as a bit of a shock to you. I mean, it seems like days ago that I flew in on that cold Saturday in January, just yesterday when I sat looking out over a spring sunset across the Mall and made the decision to give you another shot. I didn’t expect this sudden departure and you shouldn’t feel bad- it’s not you, it’s me. Really.
I blame the distance between us on the fact that you just weren’t giving me anything to work with. I mean, I tried and tried and tried to become an employed member of you, District. But it just wasn’t happening. We both know this is true. How long did you think I would wait around for you to give me some kind of affirmation, some kind of monetary support? I’m a sensible girl and at a certain point a sensible girl has to stop hoping and act on the facts. That’s why I’m leaving you.
There were good times, and they were real, to be sure. I will never forget them. We had some beautiful times alone, you and me, our evening runs when we could just be together. But I think we were always best when we were with people. You have such beautiful friends who I will miss dearly: A, B and B who took me in and literally kept me going day in and day out for so long and became so important to me, C.ROB and CH who always, always, always made me laugh and are responsible for my “y’all’s,” HS my partner in the high highs and the low lows, PC my favorite preppy boy in the District, KMK I will never eat another cupcake and not think of you, and LJ, my constant companion, my strength and my newest best friend. Thank you, District, for sharing those parts of you with me. I am changed because of those relationships and deeply sad to see them go. I hope you don’t mind if I keep in touch with those friends, I don’t want the whole friend’s with the ex’s friends thing to be awkward.
Where will I go, you ask? I guess you could say that I’ve rekindled an old flame. He’s charming, he believes in me, and has taken me back with open arms. He’s everything I love, it just took me a bit longer to realize it. He said that if I move back now, I can go to school there in a year and save lots of money. He also said that I could live with my very best friends and see my younger brother on a regular basis. His name is Seattle, District and I have to be honest, you have nothing on him. He has my heart, always has.
I truly wish things had turned out different between us. We tried our best to make things work and I feel good about the effort we gave it. In the end though, our differences are just irreconcilable. I can’t keep trying to make it work when it’s clearly not going to. Please don’t forget me, as I won’t forget you. Don’t forget all the tears I leave scattered inside and outside of your Beltway, because I won’t. You haven’t made this easy on me. I leave you a different person I was, for the better I think. You represent equal parts success and failure in my life. Thank you for that.
A couple more thoughts, things I just need to get off my chest…
Will you tell all the females you know that leggings do not count as pants. I don’t know who told all of them it’s okay, because its not.
Will you also tell the customer service industry that they’re really mean sometimes. I’d like to give them the benefit of the doubt and think that they just don’t fully understand their job descriptions, serving customers. You might want to talk to somebody about that.
Also, I would have a talk with GoogleMaps to work out a few kinks in the system. I don’t think she fully understands your complexity.
Finally, if you can, will you please have a talk with the people who publish the Senate Employment Bulletin because it’s total crap. No one gets hired from that thing. It’s just cruel.
Thanks, District, it was real.
For the last time,
Your-
LC in DC
It’s time I’m honest with you. This might not be easy for you to hear but I have to say that it’s just not working out between us. I’m writing to tell you goodbye. I know this might come as a bit of a shock to you. I mean, it seems like days ago that I flew in on that cold Saturday in January, just yesterday when I sat looking out over a spring sunset across the Mall and made the decision to give you another shot. I didn’t expect this sudden departure and you shouldn’t feel bad- it’s not you, it’s me. Really.
I blame the distance between us on the fact that you just weren’t giving me anything to work with. I mean, I tried and tried and tried to become an employed member of you, District. But it just wasn’t happening. We both know this is true. How long did you think I would wait around for you to give me some kind of affirmation, some kind of monetary support? I’m a sensible girl and at a certain point a sensible girl has to stop hoping and act on the facts. That’s why I’m leaving you.
There were good times, and they were real, to be sure. I will never forget them. We had some beautiful times alone, you and me, our evening runs when we could just be together. But I think we were always best when we were with people. You have such beautiful friends who I will miss dearly: A, B and B who took me in and literally kept me going day in and day out for so long and became so important to me, C.ROB and CH who always, always, always made me laugh and are responsible for my “y’all’s,” HS my partner in the high highs and the low lows, PC my favorite preppy boy in the District, KMK I will never eat another cupcake and not think of you, and LJ, my constant companion, my strength and my newest best friend. Thank you, District, for sharing those parts of you with me. I am changed because of those relationships and deeply sad to see them go. I hope you don’t mind if I keep in touch with those friends, I don’t want the whole friend’s with the ex’s friends thing to be awkward.
Where will I go, you ask? I guess you could say that I’ve rekindled an old flame. He’s charming, he believes in me, and has taken me back with open arms. He’s everything I love, it just took me a bit longer to realize it. He said that if I move back now, I can go to school there in a year and save lots of money. He also said that I could live with my very best friends and see my younger brother on a regular basis. His name is Seattle, District and I have to be honest, you have nothing on him. He has my heart, always has.
I truly wish things had turned out different between us. We tried our best to make things work and I feel good about the effort we gave it. In the end though, our differences are just irreconcilable. I can’t keep trying to make it work when it’s clearly not going to. Please don’t forget me, as I won’t forget you. Don’t forget all the tears I leave scattered inside and outside of your Beltway, because I won’t. You haven’t made this easy on me. I leave you a different person I was, for the better I think. You represent equal parts success and failure in my life. Thank you for that.
A couple more thoughts, things I just need to get off my chest…
Will you tell all the females you know that leggings do not count as pants. I don’t know who told all of them it’s okay, because its not.
Will you also tell the customer service industry that they’re really mean sometimes. I’d like to give them the benefit of the doubt and think that they just don’t fully understand their job descriptions, serving customers. You might want to talk to somebody about that.
Also, I would have a talk with GoogleMaps to work out a few kinks in the system. I don’t think she fully understands your complexity.
Finally, if you can, will you please have a talk with the people who publish the Senate Employment Bulletin because it’s total crap. No one gets hired from that thing. It’s just cruel.
Thanks, District, it was real.
For the last time,
Your-
LC in DC
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Seattle (again)
I blame Elise.
I was talking to her Thursday evening at around 5. She was filling me in on all that had to be done over the weekend to move out of my old house, the Greenlake house. She knows I’m a compassionate person and totally used it against me. I mean, of course I wasn’t going to let her do it all by herself. Thirty minutes later I found myself staring at the “Confirm Purchase” button on Travelocity’s all-to-easy website totally freaking out. Given that I was home all by myself with no one to help me through the all out inner battle between Practical Laura and Adventurous Laura, you can probably guess which won out in the end.
After a sleepless night I found myself running to catch the 5:40 Metro to Rosslyn so I could catch the 5A bus to Dulles where I’d grab my flight that would put me in Seattle by 11am. I’ll leave out the details but it will suffice to say that it was a stressful morning. Not only was I scrambling and sweating to make it to the airport, there was the gnawing thought in the back of my mind that said our plane was going to get hijacked and my family wouldn’t know I was dead for like, a week and they’d probably be mad about that. Practical Laura was hadn’t been completely silenced either and mocked me with my eternal joblessness the entire flight.
Don’t worry. It only took about 10 seconds of screaming and giggling with Elise to forget every hesitation I had. We drove straight to TJ’s, grabbed sushi and headed to our favorite spot (picture below taken from my phone, it was that clear!). It’s at this spot we’ve sat and spit cherry seeds after a long day and talked about nothing, said goodbye, worked out our differences, cried about boys and now, add to the list, had the best homecoming ever. It was a perfect day in Seattle and at this point, I didn’t even remember that Practical Laura ever existed. Would you:
I love Seattle. I know it is my home. It is here that I feel the most alive. Maybe it’s the city. To me, it feels so full of things yet to be discovered, to fresh, so full of potential. Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve become myself there, it’s part of who I’ve become. I think most of all, I think I love it for it’s familiarity, both the place and the people. Obviously, I don’t mind stepping into the unknown. I’ve learned more about myself and who I wanna be during my time in the DC unknown and that makes it completely worth it. But it’s also exhausting. Being around those who know you (and love you anyway) is truly life-giving for me.
The weekend was a mix of all my favorite things- adventure, good friends, timelessness, surprises, being outside, laughing, long meals, spontaneity, freedom and best of all, the certainty I (finally) feel about where I wanna be.
Now, I’m back in DC taking a huge, deep, cleansing breath of gratitude. My life is filled with such beauty. Beauty in life-long friendships, in my ever-supportive family. (My Mom said she was proud of me for going and not telling her. Ha!) Beauty in the broken and rocky path that has brought me to this day, beauty in the ways I see myself becoming who I want to be. Beauty in the unknown that lies before me yet. Yes, my life is beautiful in big and small ways. It’s all Grace. All of it..
I know this is kind of a sappy post and I’m sorry. I assure you that this weekend will lead to some great stories. I mean, the Smithsonian Folklife Festival happening on the Mall is themed Texas, Bhutan, and NASA. What? That alone will deserve a post of its own. Plus, another dear friend is coming into town in about an hour. I'm so happy.
Thanks for reading.
May you find some freedom and adventure in your day today.
Yours,
LC
I was talking to her Thursday evening at around 5. She was filling me in on all that had to be done over the weekend to move out of my old house, the Greenlake house. She knows I’m a compassionate person and totally used it against me. I mean, of course I wasn’t going to let her do it all by herself. Thirty minutes later I found myself staring at the “Confirm Purchase” button on Travelocity’s all-to-easy website totally freaking out. Given that I was home all by myself with no one to help me through the all out inner battle between Practical Laura and Adventurous Laura, you can probably guess which won out in the end.
After a sleepless night I found myself running to catch the 5:40 Metro to Rosslyn so I could catch the 5A bus to Dulles where I’d grab my flight that would put me in Seattle by 11am. I’ll leave out the details but it will suffice to say that it was a stressful morning. Not only was I scrambling and sweating to make it to the airport, there was the gnawing thought in the back of my mind that said our plane was going to get hijacked and my family wouldn’t know I was dead for like, a week and they’d probably be mad about that. Practical Laura was hadn’t been completely silenced either and mocked me with my eternal joblessness the entire flight.
Don’t worry. It only took about 10 seconds of screaming and giggling with Elise to forget every hesitation I had. We drove straight to TJ’s, grabbed sushi and headed to our favorite spot (picture below taken from my phone, it was that clear!). It’s at this spot we’ve sat and spit cherry seeds after a long day and talked about nothing, said goodbye, worked out our differences, cried about boys and now, add to the list, had the best homecoming ever. It was a perfect day in Seattle and at this point, I didn’t even remember that Practical Laura ever existed. Would you:
I love Seattle. I know it is my home. It is here that I feel the most alive. Maybe it’s the city. To me, it feels so full of things yet to be discovered, to fresh, so full of potential. Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve become myself there, it’s part of who I’ve become. I think most of all, I think I love it for it’s familiarity, both the place and the people. Obviously, I don’t mind stepping into the unknown. I’ve learned more about myself and who I wanna be during my time in the DC unknown and that makes it completely worth it. But it’s also exhausting. Being around those who know you (and love you anyway) is truly life-giving for me.
The weekend was a mix of all my favorite things- adventure, good friends, timelessness, surprises, being outside, laughing, long meals, spontaneity, freedom and best of all, the certainty I (finally) feel about where I wanna be.
Now, I’m back in DC taking a huge, deep, cleansing breath of gratitude. My life is filled with such beauty. Beauty in life-long friendships, in my ever-supportive family. (My Mom said she was proud of me for going and not telling her. Ha!) Beauty in the broken and rocky path that has brought me to this day, beauty in the ways I see myself becoming who I want to be. Beauty in the unknown that lies before me yet. Yes, my life is beautiful in big and small ways. It’s all Grace. All of it..
I know this is kind of a sappy post and I’m sorry. I assure you that this weekend will lead to some great stories. I mean, the Smithsonian Folklife Festival happening on the Mall is themed Texas, Bhutan, and NASA. What? That alone will deserve a post of its own. Plus, another dear friend is coming into town in about an hour. I'm so happy.
Thanks for reading.
May you find some freedom and adventure in your day today.
Yours,
LC
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